Rumpelninzkin
by Kakashi1
Summary: Once again, I corrupt your favorite fairy tales. I'm not into original stories am I?


Yes, I finally have another picture into my madness ready for you people. Well, I wouldn't really call it a picture. It's more of a description showing my madness. And I wouldn't really call you people. You're all more like moths. Sure, take it as an insult, but you're buzzing around a lighted screen aren't you? Anyway, this story uses characters from "Jubei-Chan," which if you didn't know, is the final installment of Mad House's Ninja Scroll series. Of course, if you didn't know that, you really shouldn't be reading this. Well, no, this story can be enjoyed if you're familiar with nodding your head and pretending that you know what they're talking about. Oh and I don't own any of these people or characters, but I freely do what I want with them `cause I'M AN ASSHOLE! (Yurimaru: "He's the world's biggest asshole!") Enjoy. And bow. Build me a statue, I command it!  
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"Rumpelninzkin"  
By Kakashi, as the great feeling of stupidity implies.  
  
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It was a dark day in the countryside. Okay, it was bright and sunny as always, i just wanted to create a mood. Anyway, Sai Nanohana was in his living room, moping. No, I'd say he's just depressed. Moping's an odd word. Mo-ping.  
  
Koinosuke: "No, I'm sweeping"  
  
Dumb-ass samarai, I said Moping, not mopping.  
  
koinosuke: "Oh, there's a difference?"  
  
Dumb-ass. Anyway, Sai was down, for you see, he had a novel to write, and the deadline was next week. But he was nowhere near completing it. In fact, I'd say he had barely started. Yes, Sai was dead meat.  
  
Sai: "Thanks, you're really helping."  
  
Oh, sorry. I've been there.  
  
Koinosuke: "I'd say from the pace of your narration, that you're still in severe writers block."  
  
BITE ME!!! er... Koinosuke made a wrong sweep, and found himself flying through the roof and into the next province.  
  
Sai: "That was a little harsh."  
  
WATCH IT!!!  
  
Sai: "Sorry."  
  
Anyway, Sai was down in the dumps, when suddenly a short, ugly, fat, stinky, unwashed, repulsive barely-a-man appeared.  
  
Short, ugly, fat, stinky, unwashed, repulsive barely-a-man: ::crying:: "You didn't have to be so mean about the description!"  
  
Sorry, anyway...  
  
Sai: "Who are you?"  
  
Hold your horses man, jeez. Anyway, the stranger--  
  
Stranger: "Thanks"  
  
Shut up. --made Sai a proposition he couldn't refuse.  
  
Stranger: "I'll write your book in exchange for your first born child."  
  
Sai: "I refuse."  
  
Stranger: "Hey, wait, he just said you couldn't refuse."  
  
Sai: "No."  
  
Okay then, I didn't wanna do this, but I guess I have no choice. Accept his proposition, or I'm salvaging this story by making you two a Yaoi couple.  
  
Sai: "I accept."  
  
So, the stranger started writing a new novel, and within 24 hours, he had finished.  
  
Sai: "Hey, you're efficient."  
  
Stranger: "Thanks. Now hand over your child."  
  
Sai: "Not by the hair on my chinney-chin-chin."  
  
Stranger: "Wrong story."  
  
Sai: "I don't care. It's still a 'no.'"  
  
Stranger: "Oh come on, why not?!"  
  
Sai: "'Why not?!' Look at you! You're disgusting! You smell funny, you look diseased, and you're covered in warts. That's repulsive!"  
  
Sensing that Sai wasn't going to cooperate, the stranger made him a deal.  
  
Stranger: "Okay, I'll make you a deal. If you can guess my name in 3 guesses, you don't have to give me your child."  
  
Sai: "Rumpelstilzken."  
  
Stranger: "No."  
  
Sai: "Damn! Um... Ruenis!"  
  
Stranger: "...WHAT THE HELL KINDA NAME IS "RUENIS?!"  
  
Ruenis: ::crying:: "You don't have to be mean about it!"  
  
Shot for ideas, Sai picked up the book and started reading it for clues.  
  
Stranger: "Hah ha! One guess left and then your daughter's-"  
  
But he was cut off.  
  
Sai: "Oh man this book sucks. Short, ugly, fat, stinky, unwashed, repulsive, funny smelling, diseased, covered in warts, horrible at writing, It's obvious- You're Robin Cook!"  
  
Stranger: "Damn, well, the book's yours."  
  
Sai: "Keep it! This is horrible! Hell, page 13's a frickin' song!"  
  
And with that, Robin Cook left. He would have returned, like a horrible sequel, but shortly thereafter he was tracked down and destroyed by practioners of the Stephen King Shi-Kage Ryu style, ridding this dimension of one of its greatest evils and restoring peace to the world of modern Literature.  
  
END  
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And now, the Omake! nursery rhyme! (Taken from the Real Mother Goose Book of American Rhymes)  
  
"TEDDY ON THE RAILROAD"  
rewritten by Kakashi  
  
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Teddy on the railroad,  
Picking up stones;  
Along came an engine  
And broke all Teddy's bones.  
"Oh," said Teddy,  
"That's no fair!"  
"Oh," said the engineer,  
"I don't care."  
  
Teddy: "What the hell do you mean "I don't care."?! Get back here, 'ya Fuckin' Bastard!"  
  
Engineer: "GO TO HELL!"  
  
Teddy: "Oh, that's it bi-atch, run away 'cause next time I see you I'm fuckin' you up so bad that children're gonna cry when they see you!"  
  
Engineer: "Eh, that's the weakest insult I've ever heard, ya' fuckin tard-monkey!"  
  
And with that, the train rode off into the sunset.  
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Beta-reader's Notes:  
  
O.O Holy shiz-nit. Hi, this is the Yami no Miko, Kakashi's somewhat-frightened beta-reader. He's not really insane, just.... not all there. Y'know? Okay, yeah, enjoy the story, and review if you have any decency at all. *holds up large sign that says 'Review if you like cookies!'*  
  
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End file.
